Discussion of the Day
Allowing children to share in large decisions that affect their families.
15-Nov-21
Should children be allowed to have actual real decision making say in large life changing or altering decisions that will affect their families future? Such as 1.) Where a family will be moving and/or purchasing their new home. 2.) Should a family purchase a different model or style or size of vehicle then they normally would to help with world issues such as pollution,gas costs, or parking structures/lots to store all of a city's vehicles? 3.) Types of groceries or foods their families will start or stop purchasing/eating to help with issues such as cost of food,health benefits,lifestyle choices? 4.) The type of or amount of pets the family will or will not purchase and have as family pets? 5.) Should a family attempt to use solar/wind power instead of traditional electric service because it is better for the environment but not necessarily as reliable as normal electric service that a family would pay more money to someone or where else to have?
Comments
  • In my opinion and my experiences....I think children should only be allowed in big decisions, if it's for a family holiday or a birthday etc...Other then that no.
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    • I think there's a certain level of logic and maturity needed to make tough decisions which I think children may not be ready to make or comprehend. Often a child's goals or wants lead to instant satisfaction and may not think towards long term outcomes. Yes reusable energy sources are great, but I think you always need some sort of back up for emergencies etc. There's pros and cons to everything, just I don't think children are able to confidently decide and make them. Also if you bombard them with too many choices they often become overwhelmed. I've seen children have meltdowns over the smallest and simplest decisions, let alone a complex one.
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      • NO! Children should be seen and not heard. :)
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        • To some degree
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          • No, not an actual real decision in whatever is happening. To be part of the discussion of why the decision is taking place - maybe. And that would depend on their age. Children should be allowed to be children without the parental worries that come with being a parent. Children should be loved and grow up knowing that their parents care for them and do their best for them and are always there to shield them from the bigger problems until such time as they wish to take them on. That cannot be done under the scenario painted by Melissa V. Children only get around a dozen years to live carefreely, then they have the next 70 or so years to worry about all the decisions they have to take including those as a parent themselves.
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            • part of a parent's responsibility is to teach their children how to participate in decision making for themselves and their families. And then to live by those decisions
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              • it all depends on the age they are like groceries healthy they should have a choice , cooking ,how they want their bedroom to be and pets but only if they look after them as pets teach children responsibility. anything enviromently friendly defin tely them being apart of the disscusion is great . the rest is up to the parent or parents and just parents explaining why they are making that decision so older children have a concept like moving because of work so can put food on table etc. when older asll chgildren having life skills,disscussions,being able to pay a bill and parent reiburst them the full amount say electricity so they can understand and know how to pay a bill.
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                • they should know what is happening, but at the end of the project, the ones that are paying must have the last word, they will have their said when they will take the decisions for themself, do you think that you will have any inputs at that time?
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                  • Yes
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                    • fair deal
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                      • This has to be a joke. Children are just that, children, and to my mind children should be seen and not heard. Why would they have a say? They don't earn a living, they go to school to learn. It seems to me that parents do not want the responsibility of rearing children and want children to rear themselves. How can a child possibly have the maturity, experience and knowledge to even be given consideration in making life changing decisions. Children deserve a childhood free from such things, no worry or responsibility, that will come soon enough. If an adult feels the need to check with a child for permission to lead his or her life then perhaps they should remain childless. Is it any wonder there are so many horrid bratty children out there, they don't have a parent they have another friend. Stop frightening them with climate change, possible war, sustainability and all that other rubbish. Why scare them with things that might never happen. I remember the Cuban missile crisis and asked my father "will there be a war", he told me I was not to worry about it or be concerned but to let adults sort it out. Indeed they did and my father was right, as a child I had no need to worry. Do not put grown up heads on little shoulders. Let them be children.
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                        • Well said and I went through the Cuban crisis also scared we were going to have a nuclear war which has hung over our heads since. I was about 14 I think during that time so old enough to know the seriousness of it. My parents shielded us from any decisions as they did the parenting. As we got older we were given small responsibilities of course but they made all the decisions as it should be. Why do people want our children to grow up and be adults so quickly.
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                      • Yes it is good to let children join in the talk ing
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                        • I think it is great to "discuss" things with kids - but I must admit I am seeing a lot of kids "controlling" the household these days. That I do NOT agree with....................
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                          • That's why parents make the decisions not the children. Who is in charge these days??
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                          • In a lot of cases - the kids are. I see it all the time...........
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                        • I think it’s good for children to be able to have their input on some issues and it also teaches them things
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                          • Not sure what to say on this subject.
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                            • I think it depends on a lot of factors whether or not children should be involved in decisions, especially major ones. Generally, however, it is very useful if children do play more of a role in family decision making as they mature.
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                              • If you move home due to employment...outside of explaining why...thats it!...everybody has to eat!
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                                • No. A kid's only job should be to listen to their parents, do their best with school, help with appropriate jobs re housework, learn, and take on board the importance of telling the truth, and have fun. children should not be lumbered with ANY adult worries or concerns as they are not equipped to handle it. If an adult has to ask the advice of a pre-teen on any adult issue, that "adult" has no business claiming that title.
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                                  • If they have common sense, why not.
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                                    • This is a great topic @Melissa V. While my 4 children may have not had the ultimate overall say in big ticket items, holidays, etc they have and do all get a say and we listen to their opinion and thoughts on the matter. When it comes to holidays, we make sure we stay at places that are suitable for our children; when it came time to give their rooms a fresh coat of paint, we let them select from a handful of colour swatches. They felt they had the overall say in what colour their feature wall was, but it was the adults/parents who decided what colours they could choose between; For vehicle purchases we had both our needs and that of the kids high on the priorities list. It's no use buying a family car that is not going to be able to transport the right number of people or the amount of cargo/sports gear we need to cart around. Groceries wise, again- we choose what the kids eat, but if they like 1 flavour of something more than another, we'll buy the flavour they like as we know it will get eaten. We have not yet been in a position to buy a family pet, but when that happens in the future, that will be a case of going to an animal shelter and letting the animal choose us. The animal has to feel safe around it's new family and the family safe around the animal. It's no use buying a pet because it's cute, fluffy, etc then have it turn aggressive or not be suitable for your family lifestyle in the year/s to come. (I have seen unsuitable pets be a common occurance in the suburbs around near where i live. People bought pets for covid, sent the dogs away to get washed, groomed and trained and never actually personally gave the dogs the time, attention and training they needed and now have unstable, untrustworthy dogs on their hands that are not safe around other humans or animals.)
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                                      • I have seen cases where people have brought a particular house or car because that's the one the Children wanted and not many years after that the kids move out and they have a house that wasn't their choice. My stupid sister is a really good example her 6 year old granddaughter stays with them a lot and had out grown the bed they had for her, sisters husband went and brought a nice single bed and 6 year old doesn't like it, sister is told it is because Nana and Grand Dad both have their own King sized beds and so she wants one, last I heard sister was getting her one! She doesn't understand why I don't have anything to do with her!
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                                        • There is too much emphasis on children they are not mature enough to make life changing decisions but their thoughts should be noted
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                                          • agreed. Of course, children should be encouraged to share opinions on appropriate things in the family dynamic. Like, which restaurant would they like to go to for their birthday treat (within cost reason lol). But as to where or if a family should pack up and move to, or which house to buy when they get there - putting that type of pressure on a kid is just abusive. Kids are excellent sponges, and terrible interpreters. They soak up psychic or emotional energy (particularly bad energies), and have an unfortunate blind-spot for apportioning fault to anyone else but themselves - to them, it's always their fault and often, they are the only ones who are responsible for fixing it.
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                                        • I think we need to be grown up about this and take the lead by example approach and let children be children while they under the protection of loving parents.
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                                          • agree completely. teaching children how to choose rightly, within the bounds of age-appropriateness, family budget etc, helps them be able to make right choices, as adults.
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                                          • Maria B 89860Phyrephly
                                            I'd even told mine that if they think or know something better then to speak up and share it and sometimes that's paid off. It's also a way of finding out what others' might be filling their heads with.
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                                        • Families make decisions together
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                                          • Some things yes others no.
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                                            • It's age dependent. Do you really think a young child is capable of making healthy food choices? LOL But on a serious note I think it is great to talk to them about things and see what they think even at a young age. I know I certainly would have appreciated it more if I was listened to but at the end of the day it's a parents choice and you just have to hope it's the right one.
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                                              • Let kids enjoy their childhood...it doesn't last long...
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                                                • damn straight, on that one - especially these days!
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                                              • Yes i do there options and feelings matter more to me then my feelings and i want them to be happy over my happiness
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                                                • Yes of course they should because what ever a family does affects them too. Mu husband wasn't include in a discussion about his mum when she was dying and that has affected him his whole life. Some things are extremely important to talk about and the reasons why and how they may happen. Children are sensitive to changes and need to understand what's happening and going on too. It's all relevant these days.
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                                                  • Yep, kids should always be considered when it affects them and they might have opinions that affect the decision
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                                                    • Yes. They should be in the loop
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                                                      • Yes of course! Children are not stupid.They should be included in decision making so they learn to make an informed choice.
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                                                        • Always! This is how children learn about decision making. Even if they did not get their way in the decision, you can explain why and show reason and thought in your final choice. The pool in my backyard was the choice of my 5 Grandchildren and it brings them great joy all summer long. They just stopped swimming last week because the water is cooling now. My Grandkids were 7,8,9,14 and 15. I wanted the bigger house, they wanted a pool so we are all happy.
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                                                          • It depends on how old they are, it's certainly important to keep them in the loop, and get their feedback, but the final decision should be on the parents or Guardians.
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                                                            • No, no, no and no - Yes they should be spoken to and their well-being considered however basically if we went back a little bit to the old "children should be seen and not heard" idea then we'd be in a much better place!
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                                                              • Good to talk to them. Open house they can speak to you about everything. Sound like you make the kid as a adult same things shouldn't put the child into its.
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                                                                • It could be like the Australian Government...get everyone's opinion and just totally ignore us and do what you want?
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                                                              • A child can of course have input regarding a pet but the bigger issues are for the adults. I am sure most parents consider their children but it is their job, responsibility or role to make the big decisions.
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                                                                • Dep[ends on the child and the decision for instance I would not go out and buy a 911 Porsche because my 18 year old child wanted me to. Also if I had a job to move to no child would get a word in about staying put and not moving. The rest depends on the child and what needs deciding.
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                                                                  • It depends on the age for sure. Children usually imagine reality differently from adults; they can't comprehend what would it be cost or can not correctly measure the consequences of choice. Unless kid doesn't start to make their own money, I think they can't make important choices. Adults should allow children to be involved in decisions because they sometimes may unconsciously make the right choice that adults will appreciate. But, their choice should not be taken as a major decision. If adults allow children to be involved, it would be way much more fun.
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                                                                    • Children should be listened to but the final decision is up to the adults
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                                                                    • It depends on the children's ages how much you let them be involved in decisions affecting the family but it is your life and your future. Immature people think emotionally and not rationally. Just look how children's and even older teenagers' fads, friends, choice in clothes, music even food changes sometimes from week to week. My daughter decided at 16 she was Vegan, gave us lectures because we were meat and pork producers. we listened and let her become Vegan. It lasted a week and thankfully the rest of us had refused to join her. Yes let them know YOUR decisions and explain why but do not give into their tantrums, threats, claims they hate you and you are ruining their lives. Letting them emotionally blackmail you is stupid and also very harmful for them. They will grow up with no respect for you and consider you malleable whenever they wish to bully you. Yes, they may leave their friends if you move but even if they stay, they will probably hate them next year. Children are adaptable and will make new friends and adapt as long as they know you love them and tell them your reasons.
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                                                                      • I disagree to some extent Eileen. Children are not any more adaptable then adults are. They appear to be so because adults have control over their lives, so they have to endure the choices that are made. They don’t just all just move on when a big change occurs. Often the extent of the difficulties that they experienced appear as they get older, and can have serious effects on their ability to function in the world. I applaud your daughter for believing that living cruelty free was a choice that she wanted to explore, and she gave it ago, despite the obvious lack of support for her trying to live in a way that she believed was a better choice. Children and adults have the right to try on different hats, so to speak. It allows for people to evolve into who they want to be, and get a better understanding of others.
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                                                                    • No definitely not because of the incorrect decisions children might take
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                                                                      • That.s not what children should be involved in - they are children not adults
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                                                                        • In regards to children, say UNDER 12 years of age I feel all those types of decisions should only be made by the parents / carers. However, I believe from 12 years of age, IF a child is mature enough, they should have the right to participate in decision making in regards to issues which directly affect them or their future...FOR EXAMPLE, Climate Change / Global Warming
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                                                                          • Not clear who are parents and who are children here. You can also ask children where they want to be born by you into this world.
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                                                                            • Yes You should be frank & open with your children so you can make a balanced decision over any matters. Mind you all of my children became adults and some have Grandchildren of their own so a lot depends on their age
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                                                                              • No, that's why you're the adult and make the grown up decisions. The only time I involved the kids were when they became responsible and got paper runs, so they could choose treats. Our kids wouldn't give a crap whether we went solar or wind (if only I could harness the power of their wind...), what car we got, type of house.... More so 'Can I stay at .... this weekend?', 'What's for dinner?', 'Hey mum there's a new game out.....'.
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                                                                                • Children have a right to there option on things, but in the end its the adults paying for these things, so they should get the final say. Communication is alway a good thing though.
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                                                                                  • The decisions in question are decisions that determine the way your family plan to live their lives. Children, being part of the family unit, need to be able to express their views and have them taking into consideration when decisions are being made. Essentially, if you are choosing to live your life with environmental and ethical values taken into consideration (changing to renewable energy sources, driving less or using a more environmentally friendly vehicle, only purchasing planet/person friendly food products) you are making choices based on your values. Your values are something that you want to instil in your children. You need to explain the reasoning behind your decision making, and give children the opportunity to make value based choices. Children are great at keeping you accountable. They need to be onboard for this way of living to work.
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                                                                                    • Yes include children in family discussions,but that do'sent mean adults have to obey what children say ????
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                                                                                      • Yes, the main thing is that the children feel included in any decision that their parents made as a family because they are young, they feel comfortable asking all sorts of questions, and that is good, It is part of their education as they are growing into a young adult, will stay with them in the rest of the life
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                                                                                        • Age of the children would be a factor in real decision making. Would definitely listen to what they have to say so they feel inclusion in on the subject and no doubt in some instances their input could be a big help in the outcome of a decision, but ultimately the decision is made by the parents.
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                                                                                          • i believe small children do not always understand wheres and whys things happen when moving or the decisions it incurs sit them down and explain that new experiences is not always bad experiences and how that if we do this and that it might more for the family might need. New exeriences is exciting and if they can help with friends and families getting together they will i think this will make any transistions better.
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                                                                                            • I sometime share information about large decisions that make for the entire family.
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                                                                                              • I do not have kids - this is not my issue (or problem). However, in reality - a kid only has two options (under her/his control) in the decision making process (within a family unit) - which will affect her/his standard of living. Option One: If the kid has competent parent(s) - then the kid will hang with her/his parents till he/she turns 18 - and have a workable frame for making "good" decisions! Option Two: If the kid has incompetent parent(s) - then the kid will find out just how good he/she is at processing "info" and making (realistic) decisions (immediately) - if they survive their childhood! FYI: Melissa V: You have an enlightening approach to raising kids (which I like)!
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                                                                                                • The adults will ultimately have the final decision since they are the ones doing the actual transactions. If they are good parents, they will consider all aspects that will affect all of their children now and in the future. Small children do not have the life experience to realize what issues may be ahead for them. Still, let the children express their opinions so they feel heard and their needs addressed.
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                                                                                                  • 1,2,3 and 5. I don't think so. Pets maybe.
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                                                                                                    • Decision making? No. But they have to be a consideration when doing anything. ex.-moving
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                                                                                                      • which children? Under 5? or teenagers. Children's age would be a factor in this discussion.
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