Discussion of the Day
Wedding Invites
lulu08-Jan-23
I'm the mother of a bride to be, so I'm a little put out that I spend money, and yet I'm invited to the wedding? Would have thought that could be taken for granted. Am I being silly?
Comments
  • Never thought about it.
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    • Hmm yes that is very Pedantic but maybe someone has the job of sending the invites and did it to the T!! I guess you could jokingly say to your daughter Gosh i even got an Invite-or something like that.?
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      • I personally think it is a little strange - but the young generation have so many different ideas these days. I wouldn't be put out by it. Just simply go along with it - and maybe have a laugh with your older friends about it. Enjoy the wedding...........
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        • My parents even sent an invitation to my husband. How bizarre is that! It means we have a copy of our wedding invitation for our photo album.
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          • When I got married it was my parents who sent out the invitations - How times have changed. Be glad your daughter wants you at her wedding.
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            • I would say you daughter sent you an invite, so you can keep it. My eldest daughter recently got married, and she sent us an invitation to their wedding of course i was expected to come, but it was mainly so i can keep the invitation as a memento. I never took offence to the invitation, was just excited for them both.
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            • As mother of the bride you would be expected to be at the wedding. This is just to clarify numbers for the caterers. Make sure you RSVP. :-)
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              • An invitation was always a nice memento to keep of the occasion I have always thought.
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                • Do people still get married, what a waste of people's time and money
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                  • I think yes and no. It seems you are taking it to heart when she probably thought about it totally different than you are. She was just going by "regulations" and for what is appropriate for invitation protocol while you are questioning what it means that she sent you an invite when you obviously didn't need one! I get why you might question that. I can almost 100 percent (99.9%) guarantee she truly meant nothing by it and she loves you dearly!
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                    • Mom pays, mom decides and lets daughter know her wishes. Everybody grow some manners on all sides, given what the money pits wishes are.
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                      • Who cares?
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                        • No. You're invite should not be formal......it is a given. It is also a given that the brides parents pay for the wedding...ALL IF IT, traditionally, and the grooms parents pay for the mens tuxes and a rehearsal dinner or lunch the day before, where usually everyone meets. But mom and dad are paying for this ONCE IN A LIFETIME WEDDING, and should they divorce, another white, extravagant wedding is a no-no. You go to the Justice Of The Peace for that. One white wedding. There are wedding etiquette books, look all these things up. You'll see, I'm right. These crazy kids these days want to get married their way and screw tradition. If that's what their looking like they want, you and dad back out...... they can pay themselves for their weird stuff. Don't get creative confused with weird. You're heart will tell you the difference. Your daughter ought to be grateful you are paying as any sweet and good bride would. I still thank my mom and dad (even tho dad's passed) for ALL THEY DID FOR ME. And its been 24 years. $30,000 gone along with the ass I married, but he put on a good show. My second marriage is ending soon with my hubby term ill, but we went to the courthouse and married and had nothing because you only get married with bells and whistles once. Period!! Oh, by the way, Linda, GOOD LUCK!! YOU'LL NEED IT.:-) MY BEST. P. S. Me and my now hubby of 15 years.... The dying one.... Are soooo in love. It will be ok. I trust my God and Savior.
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                          • It sounds odd to me. Who sent out the invitations and who is paying? I thought usually the brides family does the inviting and pays but perhaps things have changed.
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                            • I'm with Missy....yes ....silly...you are at an important point in your life and hers...please don't mess it up....I've seen this before....you have so much to gain and so much to lose... don't ruin it....
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                              • yes you are being silly.
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                                • no not silly
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                                  • I wonder how you would have felt if you didn't receive an invite to the wedding?
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                                    • It depends on the situation
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                                      • no ur not silly
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                                        • My husband (father of the bride) and me (step mother) received an invitation just as a token gesture - nice to keep and didn't think it was strange at all and that was over 10 years ago.
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                                          • I understand I sent my mom and mother in law invites just to be nice and a friend helped make the invitations. Good luck
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                                            • Am I to understand you paid for your wedding reception and not your parents? In that case I guess you get to choose who to invite.
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                                          • No not silly but your daughter comes from a different generation and she doesn't want to be presumptuous. She could want numbers for all catering as some couples will have to pay extras if numbers are higher than anticipated just talk to them.
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                                            • they probably want you to have an invitation as a souvenir of the occasion.
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                                              • Sending invitations to everyone helps keep the numbers straight for caterers etc. There is plenty enough stress when it comes to weddings so relax and enjoy this special time to its fullest.
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                                                • Get over it! .It's purely A formality accept it & go & enjoy the wedding .However I'm sure the Brides family do the inviting so did your daughter invite you ?That is a bit odd on her part or maybe there is an estrangement in the family
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                                                  • People spend too much on weddings today and it is only 1 day
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                                                    • its a keepsake, I have my Dad's parents invitation to Mum & Dads wedding back in 1960. My Nana had keep it along with the Toast List, (yes I know its old fashioned but was how it was done then) I found it when I was given some stuff when my Dad passed away,(it had gone to him when his Parents passed) A true family Keepsafe, and my oldest son will get it when I pass. When my late husbands 2 daughters got married, we received invites to both of those weddings and yes he had already been asked to give his daughters away. again keepsakes. Yes you are the mother of the bride, but its a keepsake and go enjoy the wedding and the day
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                                                      • Most people get a invite so they can remember to save the date and also something you can save for memorabilia.
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                                                        • Does it matter? Maybe your daughter is doing things her way and not your way so you are just looking for nit picky reasons to cause drama.
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                                                          • As mother of the Bride it's a given. Go and enjoy. Give the bride a kiss for me
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                                                            • Why at a wonderful time like this would you want to worry about such a petty thing. You are the mother of the bride. A very important position and you will need all your dignity to watch your little baby girl go off and become a woman in her own right. Be happy and forget the small stuff.
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                                                              • Surly the invitation is a keepsake!
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                                                                • You don’t need an invite
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                                                                  • Just be happy she’s got someone, enjoy the day and all the joy that being a grandma brings. Look on the bright side, there’s heaps there
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                                                                    • No, you are not being silly. Turn the tables! Send a registered post RSVP, take all the money you may have spent on your loving daughters wedding and take yourself off on a lovely holiday ... come back all refreshed and show up and cheery at the appointed place where the ceremony is to take place and enjoy the day! I know I'm being "naughty" but what a nerve they have!!!
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                                                                      • Yes, you're being exceptionally silly. Modern day weddings are really nothing more (for most people anyway) to showoff just how much money you and your guests(?) have. The presents, cash donations, free booze, special location, and all the other trappings are really just for show. Just look at the divorce statistics. My first marriage was like the one you describe and it was a failure. (Not because of the ceremony!) My second marriage was very inexpensive. We invited family, best man, maid of honour, and a few (5) friends. Forty years later we are still together, happy as ever, and haven't missed the big wedding in the least. Try it, you may just like it, and then go to the Bahamas with your spouse and the two of you can have the time of your life and save some money to boot.
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                                                                        • Linda, did you mean to say you Have Not Been Invited? If that is the case you are being used, dear lady. You should be invited.
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                                                                          • NEVER BEEN A BRIDE BUT IM GUESSING EVERYONE & THEIR + ONE MUST B COUNTED HOPE Everything GO SMOOTH U WILL HAVE A NEW SON N LAW EVERYONE STAY SAFE AS WELL
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                                                                            • Linda I wouldn't read too much into this, however from my experience weddings bring out the best and worst in people. Good luck.
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                                                                              • My niece got married last year and none of her side of the family were invited, we did not even know she was married, she kept that to her self. We knew she was engaged and I was asking has she set the date, she always said, not yet. Found out on Facebook of the wedding three months later, her Mother ( my sister ) didn't know and was heartbroken as was I.
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                                                                                • Guess it depends on the financial aspects of each family. If the mother of the bride is not very well blessed with funds and the husband is either like her financially or perhaps no longer around, the full cost would fall upon the young couple and their parents. These days it seems to depend on who can pay for the occasion.
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                                                                                  • Having been the Mum of the Bride I was chuffed to receive an invitation as a memento (it was always accepted my husband and would be there anyway).
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                                                                                    • No, But I know how you feel that happened to me.
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                                                                                      • It is what it is and so it shall be
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                                                                                        • All parties including the bride and groom should be paying for the wedding not just one parent unless of course the other person does not have any parents then it's a different situation.The cost of the wedding should be shared like one pay for flowers,the other help pay for photo's etc etc that is how my wedding was done and we just saved like crazy for it and our overseas honey moon.I wouldn't feel put out they are just sending out invites to everyone because that's just what you do.
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                                                                                          • No - it's nice to have a momento of the wedding
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                                                                                            • Better to receive an invite than to learn after the wedding that the couple had gotten married.
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                                                                                              • We have invitations for two weddings one us from the parents and the other from the bride and groom so I suppose it all depends upon who is sending out the invites. Have to go with the flow these days.
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                                                                                                • These days the costs of a wedding are shared between all the relatives which I believe is only fair
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                                                                                                  • Just a courtesy
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                                                                                                    • I don't think you should have received an invitation ether. We have 4 daughters and they are all married .It was not necessary to send us an invitation. I was not upset though.
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                                                                                                      • There checking to make sure invitations arrive.
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                                                                                                        • Yes u are
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                                                                                                          • I just think it's a nice memnto to have they will know u r invited but it is a formality or courtesy.
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                                                                                                            • It’s a courtesy, but more importantly it’s a momentous. Accept it with good grace.
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                                                                                                              • Often the Invitations are part of the memories, cherish them, they go so fast.
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                                                                                                                • Its simply a courtesy, accept it with grace and maybe the bride & groom think you might like to have it as a memento! I have been clearing out a family member's house - they died - and have found, literally, hundreds of wedding invites (including one in our Mum's collection to her own in 1927!) birthday, Christmas and Easter cards, childish notes written, well sort of, by their children who are all now in their late, late 50s, 60s, 70s. What do I do with them? They are of no historical interest to anyone. Maybe your daughter and her partner should scrap the entire wedding, a vast expense with, at least, 35% ending in bitter separation, put all that money towards something useful like a Deposit on a house and simply do as we have done for 53 years and just live together!
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                                                                                                                  • Did u miss a word? Not invited? Why not just talk to your daughter than assume and be upset
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                                                                                                                    • Weddings you get an invite and funerals anyone can go to pay their respect and celebrate the persons life (or make certain the person is dead and buried) - I enjoy funerals more because all the family/friends/bastards show up and we recall/remember the past and the good times had - Weddings you have to be in on the inner circle. Lots of couples these days want the weddings their way and pay for it too and don't want some old Aunt they haven't seen for 20yrs at their celebration but a lot of friends that are part of their life.
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                                                                                                                      • Yes
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                                                                                                                      • Naturally I would have thought you would have been invited too, We have not been invited to any of our so called children's weddings. My husband didn't get to walk his girls down the aisle and that was their choice and they can live with it. Life is about having a clear conscience and what you can live with doing or not doing. I am unsure if mine have gotten married and that is fine with me as they are the ones that have to live with their actions and seeing they have been brain washed to hate my side of the family by the EX I am not holding my breath that I will get an invite.
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                                                                                                                        • Well at least Linda A would have times and venue addresses. Weddings these days are OTT. They have become a show of wealth which so stresses people and their wallets - how silly. Some brides want a Kardashian day where excess money is thrown at the day - and we know that wedding only lasted a few day!. Come on people - stop living in a TV soap opera.
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                                                                                                                          • Yes you are being silly this is a formality nothing more.
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                                                                                                                            • It's nice to have the invitation to stick in the front of your photo album of the wedding.
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                                                                                                                              • Seems a bit strange I had my wedding on a Wednesday so that everyone would be working and they just sent us presents
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                                                                                                                                • parents should be invited since they send invitees as guests
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                                                                                                                                  • It's there day not yours get over yourself importance.
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                                                                                                                                    • I never was invited to any wedding events that family members have.
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                                                                                                                                      • Me either! Apparently, my parents families disliked me before I was even born!
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                                                                                                                                    • Actually the invites should read {the parents names} inviting soandso to the marriage of....... so you are the inviter and not an invitee.
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                                                                                                                                      • Not silly but maybe a little stressed. Are you helping your daughter with the planning or is she doing it on her own? If she's doing it all herself then give her the benefit of the doubt, young girls are not alway gonna do things the way we expect
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                                                                                                                                        • Sounds like you left out "the word not invited to the wedding" otherwise it does not make sense or is not the full story!! LOL
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                                                                                                                                          • Just go with the flow. Have a great time, your daughter is happy and that is a great thing.
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                                                                                                                                            • Yes over thinking it
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                                                                                                                                              • I think you are over thinking it as it would be a given that you would be there unless you and your daughter were not close. It will be a lovely keep sake to put in a photo album with all the other wedding photos. Go and enjoy your daughters special day.
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                                                                                                                                                • Very silly. How would you feel if you were not invited to your daughter's wedding.
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                                                                                                                                                  • im paying so expect to go anyway x
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                                                                                                                                                • Why does that even matter ? With a wedding soon if this is what you are being hung up on someone lese must be doing all of the wedding planning and or preparing. It's not your day don't make something out of nothing. But to just simply answer your question YES you are being silly, or didn't you get that from my comments?
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                                                                                                                                                  • Yes, of course it is a given that you will be attending, however I think that your daughter is being nice and wanted you to have a keepsake of the wedding. I am sure that you will have other reminders, such as photos etc,that you will keep for this memorable occasion.
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                                                                                                                                                    • Linda look at the other side of this - your daughter wanted you to have something to remember the day - Keep it among your special memories and bring it out every now and then and be thankful that your daughter' thought of you on one of biggest days of her life. She loves you!!!
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                                                                                                                                                      • Yes you are being silly. Your daughter probably thought it would be nice for you to have an invite to keep. My daughter is getting married in April and my husband and I are paying for the wedding and we got an invite. I think I would be upset if I didn’t get one.
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                                                                                                                                                        • Yes. Give me their number. I'll call n have them uninvited you. You're old enough and smart enough to get over it.
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                                                                                                                                                          • No
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                                                                                                                                                            • No, not at all silly.It should just be considered a given.
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                                                                                                                                                              • My daughter sent us an invitation to her wedding and I thought it was a beautiful gesture. She has been married for four years and every time she comes to visit she sees it still stuck on our fridge :)
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                                                                                                                                                                • Isn't normal for the brides parents to do the inviting, since they are paying. If it's now the bride and groom to be doing the inviting let them pay for the wedding.
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                                                                                                                                                                  • Think that is just a courtesy to send a formal invite.
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                                                                                                                                                                    • They are probably hoping you will not come if you are that stupid. Perhaps you are not sentimental and don't want a keepsake.
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                                                                                                                                                                      • I feel that you could and/ should feel blessed and keep blessed??
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                                                                                                                                                                        • Yes. It may be an item you keep for personal reasons.
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                                                                                                                                                                          • We invited each other to our wedding, however we posted my future mother in law's invitation the day after our wedding to ensure she wouldn't turn up!
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                                                                                                                                                                            • no
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                                                                                                                                                                              • yes
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                                                                                                                                                                                • I think people spend way too much money on a wedding to begin with. To send invitation is a waste of money, I think. Just get together with the closest family member and friend, have it in the back yard and save your money. Weddings are a big show and you spend so much money on one day. You don't need an elaborate wedding to show your spouse you love them.
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                                                                                                                                                                                  • View all 3 replies
                                                                                                                                                                                  • ...or just elope
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                                                                                                                                                                                  • Norman PSBHRJRobert F 1161011
                                                                                                                                                                                    I totally agree, make it about you and not everybody else. Good thinking Robert.
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                                                                                                                                                                                  • Yes! someone with common sense, thanks Norman, I totally agree with you!
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                                                                                                                                                                                • If nothing else you will have a momento of the invitations and ir would help you remember the year your child was married. Being invited could be you are really loved and they dont want you to feel left out.
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                                                                                                                                                                                  • It is lovely to have the invitation as a momento of your Daughters wedding, why feel put out by spending money for a special occasion as this. C'mon Linda, I honestly feel that you are being a sillybilly. Embrace the day
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                                                                                                                                                                                    • I agree with you Karen
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                                                                                                                                                                                  • Looking at it from the bride-to-be’s point of view I bet your invitation was the first one she filled out. She would have been so excited to have written out your invitation to this most special day for her given how much you mean to her and how supportive you have been in helping make this day come true.
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                                                                                                                                                                                    • Think of getting an invite as being a compliment and something to treasure in later years
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                                                                                                                                                                                      • I wonder if your daughter wanted you to have a memento of the whole wedding package, not just the cash crop
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                                                                                                                                                                                        • Just ask.
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                                                                                                                                                                                          • a bit so
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