So great that so many of you participated in this discussion! I appreciate the help and reassurance of the community.

One thing I have learnt growing up..I will NEVER be like my parents to my own children

Yes I must admit I learned the hard way - don't waste too much time on a friend or a spouse who is continually draining. Unfortunately a lot of friends are very good at asking for your help - but then taking no notice. I give people a lot of leeway - but then just leave them to it.

My toxic relationship is with my mother. As a child she said the problem was me because I am nothing like her and we have nothing in common, except DNA. I just had to check to make sure. The family has discussed what her problem could be, because she definitely has one. I think she is autistic, a man once asked me if she had ADHD while my daughter feels she is a narcissist. Others feel she has a split personality but now everyone that meets her says she has dementia. I keep telling them she has always been the same. She is 95, in a nursing home but I am her guardian and after spending any amount of time with her I often feel like pounding my head on the concrete footpath because the breath has been sucked out of me. She will ask me to run all over the place then change her mind. Before she went into the nursing home she wanted a hospital bed but didn't want to pay for it. I tried to get one everywhere and finally the RSL found one that had belonged to a departed Vietnam vet and mum could have the bed for free as long as it was passed to another vet once she no longer wanted it. She agreed to the terms so I organized my sons and friends to move it and just as we were about to load it mum decided she didn't want to get rid of her Queen size bed. I had to tell everyone to stand down then apologize to everyone who had put themselves out for me. It was humiliating, but typical of mum. My children complain about her which annoys me because while I can complain about her as she is my mother I don't want her grandchildren complaining about her. It's weird I know. This week has been trying because she has broken her knee, the story of how it happened has 4 versions, then she caught Covid and rang crying hysterically telling me to get her out of there. I am told she has no symptoms and is otherwise well but I won't know for sure until I can visit her again. She has given me more worry than all of my children together, but what can I do, I am all she has now. She has actually started saying thank you the last couple of years because I think she realizes if I go there is no-one. At least I am getting thanked now.

Not a problem for me.

Its an old rule that if you have a friend who is just too needy - avoid them!

Well you've cut the apron strings, be careful not to let yourself be used like that again. Guessing you'll pick the signs up early based on past experience.

Yes it’s best to just cut the cord !

finally out and free - now that is an emotional and financial roller coaster.

No not a problem for me

Yes more than once and it is hard to say No. I think at the end of the day it has to be stopped for your own sake and mental well being. I know it isn't easy and some times you use have to take the bull by the horns so to speak. You will feel so much freer and less bogged down. A bit sad but it's no good having people like that in your life no matter who they are. People should realise this but they don't and who needs ugliness and unhappiness, arguing in their lives. I know I certainly do not want that or enjoy having chaos in my life. People like that just suck any goodness and happiness so why on earth have them in your life?

No. I guess I've been very lucky

I had to put a stop to the relationship when it was pointed out to me that this person was damaging my mental balance and health. It was difficult not to give in to her endless demands on my time and energy, it took several months for her to leave me alone.

I really don't know much about relationships

Sever sever sever! Cut ties immediately, brutally if you have to. Been there, done that. Came to find out they had an addiction(s), not of a good kind. Sever. sever sever. can't say it enough

No never had this problem. You should consider your health ahead of all else first.

It sounds selfish but you need to put yourself first. If you don't look after you, no one will

no never, you can pick your friends but you cant pick your relatives

I had the same problem with a friend from my childhood. Everything was a drama for her and was always more important than what may have been happening in my life. In the end i just stopped being available for her as often and she slowly drifted away.

No

Yes!

yep

No, I’ve been lucky. Good relationship generously seasoned with glorious battles…..lol

Ditto

i am a softy when it comes to my 2 grandkids. Boy is 7,girl 5.I know the boy is hurting but find it very hard to get a response from him so i can help fix it.most times a good cuddle help

Yes, my children drain me but I feel it is my own fault. I have to put my emotional health first. If I don’t I can’t help them or me.

No

oh god yes..my 40 year relatioshit with the ex, and even 12 years after divorce I am still struggling and having counseliing. I think even if he dropped dead suddenly I would still be haunted. It's very hard to unlove someone even though they obviously hate you enough to keep on hurting you. The only thing is NO CONTACT, but they will seek you out because hurting you pleases them.

Blood sucking mosquito. You need to put a net between you and it. You can only help as much, you can bend over, you can bend backward, but if he still not pulls his socks up and help himself. you're wasting you energy on the wrong person. That net is a good barricade, means point him to professional organisation for help

Yes I have and like you after many year I stopped the relationship

Thank God, No !

Yes, by a friend years ago, sadly i slowly faded our time spent together out and eventually to not at all

Yes, I had emotional vampires around me when I younger especially my close relationship with my friends and family. I sometime get tired of them sucking out all of the energy out of me that I choose to cut them out of my life by keeping my distance between me and them based on keeping away of their emotional problems.

No never. If that type of thing happened I would end the relationship without another thought. That may sound feelingless? but I look after me.

Fortunately... no.

Yes many. I don't know if they even realise themselves what they are doing. I had a friendship as a teenager where a girl I knee's life mimicked what was a current t.v soap. Scary,draining and annoying.

I agree with you Christina I too have had friends who love drama and it is so draining. Best to cut ties, although it took me a long time to do this.

It's a pain in the behind being around people who love drama in their lives. Better off not getting roped into it. If you have to interact with them though then just keep your distance in the most polite possible way. If you can't do this then you just have to sever ties. It's good to help people but not if they don't want to help themselves.

Don’t participate in the drained relationships anymore.

sometimes I feel drained without it being in a relations I think it is better when I go for walk watch the sky the birds in the air on all the good things we see everyday Then I believe that i can look or talk to another person who is not happy at all and give them a upbeat so they will at least smile or laugh at something other than what troubling them.

yes, had a "friend" I held at arm's length because over time I realised the friend was quite toxic, never happy and bordering on delusional. Ended for my sanitys sake.

Yes. I had been friends with a woman for about 15 years when things went to hell. She was constantly sapping me emotionally & after my partner died I couldn't deal with it any longer. I completely severed ties with her to save myself. She just kept doing "groundhog day" & expected a different result. I still miss her thoughEdited 09-Jul-22 19:34pm

Sounds familiar

our family thrives on helping troubled friends, to a point where I think we are parents to a dozen extra people, I am a great believer in the little things that's the difference but yes I gotta say the little troubles that are constantly on our table make me think[ wow] ,and that can become pretty taxing on your family life

Lots of friends and family are like this, at the end of the day unfortunately some people would rather live as victims than get the help they need to break free, usually I tell them straight up, get help or back off, but keep an open door for IF or when they are ready to make some REAL changes .Edited 09-Jul-22 06:56am

No

OMG Yes

My own father. I stopped getting in touch 6 years ago as I chose myself over his dramas.

Nope

No I have never experienced anything like that.

no

My sister... thank god for Covid lockdowns LOL

My sister-in-law. Thank goodness I only see her on holidays.

Tel him "Don't tell me no bullshit and keep your problems to yourself."

I do not have a MD after my surname - I always referred her/him to a mental health specialist (psychiatrists or psychologists). Hence, I do not have many friends (actually three), but my personal mental health is GREAT :-))!

Sounds scary...have no idea what you are talking about

Yes and I cut them out of my life completely. We seem to be conditioned to cop this rubbish and look the other way etc. Not on. Some people are drama driven, others are using these tactics to keep you under their thumb with you thinking you can or should help them for some stupid reason. Life is too short to have to deal with these types of roller coaster relationships. Being on tender hooks waiting for the boom gates to drop and you have to appease them in some way. Cut and run...