I knew I wasn't the only one.

I ain't gotta step mom && none of my friends really had one either! Idk depends on how she is. She could be a blessing or the devil in disguise

she sounds like a child.

Tough love. Time to put a stop to daddy's never ending bank accounts

It sounds to me like you are jealous and having a tantrum. The daughter will always come before you no matter her age. You are just the 2nd? wife.

Hmmm. Sounds like my ex

Not the wicked one…

What happened to her in the early years of her development to make her this way?

Hmmmmm!😙

Poor thing… not! Grow up and get over yourself and get a life!!!

Yep, happens to a lot...husbands parents divorce....both remarry, one to a drunk, with wicked adult children who cut the stepmum off when dad passed...the other married a woman with a 7yr brat ...who never had a job, as an adult, now living in housing commission house near the beach, with everyhing upgraded every few years, while dad now in nursing home and stepmum living with son and family..sold family home and lavishes it all on her son, while still living in govt housing!

Best is to move away and cut them all off. Time to be selfish and enjoy your life. Time for yourselves. Sounds like a world trip is in order.

WOW! That sounds worse than my 56 year old daughter who keeps ghosting me! I think I like it better this way than if she was guilting me into doing things for her. She reached out last to me, and then, again, disappeared from my life. Too bad children don't show parents respect anymore, but it was prophesied in the Bible, so...Matthew 10:21, 35, 36. ;-D My stepmother kicked me out when I turned 18, and all my dad said to me was, "She's my wife." ;-o Edited 04-Dec-24 18:58pm

Who cares 🥹 as long as your husband can afford to do so 😹

Take out a contract on her and stop her in her spoiled ways in one swoop.

If you are asking advice here?

Your husband needs to open his eyes and see her for what she is: A Parasite!

One of my daughters-in-law had a stepmother so I have observed that relationship. My husband also had a cousin who married a man with children, one son had a friend with a stepmother, and I have a son with children who married a woman with a child. After watching all of them I came to the conclusion there is no right or wrong side, but I did decide that if asked I would tell a person about to marry a person with children, unless you love or really like the child or children give it a miss because there will always be problems and trouble.

I guess it depends on how much you love him. You could try to show him how this spoilt brat is behaving.

Be selfish.

Just keep loving her and being nice. She will hate that more than anything else. If you say something to your Husband, encourage her to him and say nice things then gently bring up, over time, how she manipulates. My step daughter is no longer asking for anything.

Yes complicated!!!

Shift your focus it's no good for your mind. If you cant shift your focus shift yourself out of that relationship

This behaviour will never end. Either draw a line in the sand with your husband or have a real discussion about the situation and set the boundaries together. Stay resolute, be determined, and above all else, tell the truth.

It is really sad any stepchild of any age would manipulate their biologic parent in order to ruin rhe parents atrempt to move on with their lives and seek a different happy marriage with a different woman (or a woman starting over wirh a different man). The adult children need to get their own lives and provide for themselves if they are of age. Give me a break. Im with you, Skippy Lou, on this one. It is quite ashame.

I have a long response for this woman and I fear the people who need to read it won't as they feel they know-it-all. Unfortunately, everyone needs to become more compassionate and empathetic and by that I mean both parties. The wife to her step daughter, the step daughter to step mum and to the father. Family dynamics are hard and their isn't sufficient details here to elaborate on all parties experiences. - Just imagine for one moment you are this now 40 year old woman who is a child of divorce. She has seen her parents break up and seen the parents fight for custody and everything in between and the new wife, has come in as a new significant partner not knowing the full extent of trauma to all parties. Also, her own trauma whatever that may be, lived a hard life faced challenges and fought tooth and nail for all she got. The father to the now 40 year old drug user and alcohol consumer trying to make up for past and present mistakes knowing there's little than can change from what his small child endured, maybe she saw mummy cry herself to sleep as a child and saw men come and go, maybe her step parent/male was ignorant too and didn't know how to handle her and yelled and was abusive in it's many forms. We do not know. The point is we CAN NOT assume ANYTHING. All parties are entitled to their opinions and yes, this woman that user drugs and or alcohol is an adult and should be accountable, sadly every person has wounds and deals in different ways. We need to be open minded and assume nothing. A happy person does not do said things to their bodies. She is crying out and the father, bless him loves both his new wife and pained daughter. He wants to make all parties happy. People never tell the full extent of their trauma, because many couldn't comprehend. It's only with insight and self work that we can begin healing. There are many ways to handle this and anger and judgemental is not the way forward. Look forward and know that outsiders/some can see what others can't because they themselves are living in it. For a moment don't judge and look, really see. This world can be a more wholesome and loving world with some fresh perspective. Nothing is black and white. To the woman who wrote this post, I don't know your past and I don't assume to know, bit I can tell you that the anger and resentment you have needs an outlet, go for a relaxing swim. Enjoy nature and delve deeper. Your frustration is not helping you, but is hindering you. True happiness comes when you let go of control and look as if you're looking g at a broken child, because we all are, and we are all trying to fill a void and grow the best way we know how. Show your step daughter that you aren't the enemy and that you care. You may get resistance bit know it's worth it. I'm not saying pay for everything for her. But see her, not as a force that's in your way but a human who is lacking basic instincts and is hurting. She needs to know she is worth more than the life she is living and for those around her to care. All the best on your journey I know it is not an easy one, I know you've experienced pain too, and you are torn and you choose to rise and not partake in such things and be strong teach her with love and non judgement even at 40 she's a broken person and doesn't know how to fix herself. Hugs to you, it's a heavy burden. You aren't a bad person, simply too close to see the bigger picture. We are all icebergs with so much beneath the surface

I have the same thing. My partners ex has totally manipulated his son to hate him because he moved away from the suburb they lived in to be with me... They had been separated around 7 years and he finally moved out of the family home, he was living in the shed with no power or bed etc, for a few years as he wasnt allowed in the house so moved in next door with a friendly neighbour.. The ex and the son have called me the most horrific names that no woman should ever be called and the mother has told all her family and friends I stole him while she has cancer, which she doesnt have. thats just a small sample of what shes done. Edited 04-Dec-24 13:59pm

It doesn't have to be a step child,to cause problems in a relationship. And you feel like all you are is a wallet. And nothing else

Oh I know what you mean. I helped out one of mine with some money was promised to be paid back. Never was and she is such a drama queen. I just don't want or need any thing from them or my own. So disappointed and a lot of crap went down to say the least. The saddest thing is for me is my parents and what they had to go through just to see the girls occasionally was a nightmare. Plain and simple. They are adults now and still have little to do with them sadly. I am jealous of my cousin because she is loved by her step kids and one even got married on the lavender farm. Unfortunately not like that for most. My ex can go rot as far as I am concerned as the girls were never the same after the separation. They were just used as pawns in a horrible controlling manipulation seeking ugliness. All I could do for my own sanity was walk away and leave them to the games they were playing. Can do without that in life as life isn't meant to be this hard surely. All I can say to you is be true to yourself and don't let them split you up or come in between you. You may not always agree with each other or be on the same page but the other will eventually work it out for themselves. Give it some time. You're stronger together and happier so keep that in mind because there could be some arguments on the subject, I know we have had some douses but not for a long time now. Hang in there and hopefully things will get better, I wish you all the love and luck in the world. Some times it is just not worth the hassle to be stressing about some thing we can not control. Good luck Skippy Lou.

I've lucked out the 2 of 3 stepsons i met were nice although i dont see them anymore - issues with their dad.

It’s also hard to be a stepchild, especially if the step parent has children of their own

Sorry you are going through this.

hi once again Hanno

Yes, there are both wicked and greta stepmothers and those in between. I raised 2 stepchildren, one for most of her life and one for his teen years - total opposites. The stepdaughter in my second marriage was a great kid. She was respectful, worked hard in school, did chores around the house and worked part-time jobs for spending money. The stepson from my 3rd marriage, was, I suspect abused via neglect by both natural parents. He was a problem child with low self-esteem and was constantly defended and bailed out by his mother. He would lie, steal, and have parties when we were away destroying parts of my house when he was specifically told not to.do so. I finally asked him to leave but allowed him back temporarily if he paid rent. He finished a community college course in communications. I innocently asked a communications expert in my department to tell him about the business. He ended up hiring him. I had not asked for that. However, he has had a career in the department. However, when he married and bought a house, his mother decided that her part of our monthly joint debt would go towards his house. I ended up in bankruptcy 2 years later.

do not trust or help

I'm on other side. Woman my Father married bled him dry.

I learned that when you marry someone, you are marrying their entire family. Can you point out to your husband how she is and maybe he could speak with her?

I had a wicked stepmother, she has passed away. Life was hard with her when I was youing

Oh dear my poor aunt was torture by her step children they would have had a nice marriage but they were not that old she was a sweetheart

Any family members can be a pain in the butt. Adult children can be a physically strain as well as a emotional one.

It does not sound right. At 40 she still depends on her dad for her life style. She should be a mother now and take care of her kids along with her better half. May be living in a different world like LGBTQ

sounds about right.!!!.

I have never been in that situation but can image in your circumstances how difficult it would be. His daughter is an adult and it should not be happening, I would certainly sit down and have a serious conversion with your husband.

Sounds to me that the Wicked Stepmother is just that! She wants her new husband's assets all to herself. How many families did she destroy on her way through?

I understand but I don't know of any solutions that your husband would agree to. The problem is him and you have to make agreements with him about how he handles her requests. She will keep asking as long as she gets what she wants.

I have such an evil step father under all the kindness that he is. So I'm sure she doesn't think it her fault. So maybe dicuss it with your partner more, or some how force her to go on a long holiday somehow and then she wont be there anymore?

Maybe you should have thought about that before you married him. His daughter won't have suddenly become as you claim she is. What about people who set out break up families with THEIR Greed, YHEIR Lies, THEIR Selfishness? How many families have THEY Destroyed as a direct result of THEIR actions?

I didn’t experience this situation, but I’m sure it’s not easy.

Time to cut that girl off, at 40 years old, you need to be able to support yourself, or get cut off and find out how. Then you may appreciate the efforts people are putting in, to support yourself.

Sounds like a friend of mine. His three grown children still sponge money off him and play “daddy‘s little girl”.

been there done that,BUT walked away 10 years ago

No comment

This is so frustrating as a partner to experience. You know their being duped,but involving yourself in this situation I feel is dangerous. This is their child( adult or not) and as a parent the scenario could end up being your partner making excuses for what they are doing or causing a rift between you. Personally I would only comment if my partner complained about always shelling out money,that gives you the opportunity to voice your opinion,otherwise it is their issue to deal with. Just my opinion

HI, TY EK M

Live with is or move on

I'm wondering in this scenario, how much time said daughter had with Dad before you came along. There's no easy answer here except to keep what you earn separate to his money then at least you are not contributing to paying her way, keep yourself safe

Thank you all for your insights. My own stepfather raised me and my brother and though he was not kind he put a roof over our heads and provided food for us. I went to work at 15 and got married and left home at 16. He was the only dad I ever knew so I was thankful for him and the things he taught me.

I actually got along better with my husband's stepmother than my own Mom!

I have never known anyone with stepchildren but they should be given lessons on how to manageon there own at 40 they should be helping there dad not ripping him off

the horse has bolted here I believe, 40 and still manipulating dad who will never be reigned in, as a dad/grandfather I have tried to give my kids everything I can but as they grow older the most valuable thing I can give them is advise not help, its dad who needs to close his wallet, reliance is an addiction and his daughter needs to learn to live below her means, life is tough and dad needs to start teaching life lessons its the best thing he can do for his daughter

I am lucky all of my friend's that had stepmothers they were good people

na

My father married his second wife when I was thirteen years old. She was, in all ways possible, the opposite of my mother. It was a pretty tough time adjusting for me, but I tried my best. She was a hard, cold and at times mean woman. I moved out as soon as I turned eighteen but still wanted a relationship with my father so I learned to accept her as she was. After all - he loved her. The older that I got the better we seemed to get along. She taught me things that I needed to know to go through this hard/beautiful life. Now I am thankful to have known her. Both she and my father have passed away. But I think of her every now and then, with kindness ❤️

Hmmm well honestly it is up to the two people to decide their own business expectations... That being said I would certainly not expect anyone to pay for my habits.

well, looks like daddy spoiled her when young which didn't teach her anything BUT have only her father to blame, (what a shame)

My Mother died when I was a child. A few years later my Dad remarried. She and I had our differences at first, but we overall got along. We became especially close the last few years of her life. She died about a year and a half before Dad. She had the start of dementia. but remembered me more than some of her own family. Edited 04-Dec-24 03:47am

You must be the unlucky one

My parents got divorced after 30 years of marriage and it was upsetting to all of us. They both remarried and my first stepmother Donna was really nice and sweet, she got cancer and passed away five years after they got married. Dad then got with Sunshine and that lasted for maybe two years she was a great woman too and she was deaf and taught us sign language. She and dad split up later but remained friends for awhile until she got married to someone later. Then he met Marion and they were together until dad passed away. Marion was also a good step mom and kind and giving she was heart broken when dad passed away and she died 2 years later. Mom married twice after dad the first one with Merle did not work out he was a cheater. Then she met Don and was happy with him for 26 years until mom got sick and passed away in 2005. Dad and mom later became friends after mom married Don and After Sunshine went on her way. I did not have wicked step mother but my husband did and she stole along with her son my husband and his siblings inheritance my father in law was quite well off but never made a will however he and my mother in law were married 32 years then they got divorced and Dad D had a lot of real property as well as stocks, bonds and gold and family heirlooms. My husband's step mom got all of it, We could not afford an attorney and none of his siblings could either at all either

I had to deal with my father and his second wife (aka a stepmother) - lead to me becoming a runaway and living on the streets for four years as a teen-ager. Other words, I am not capable of being impartial when it comes to stepmothers. Anyway, it reads like the three of you (as described in your scenario) need to start visiting a psychiatrist on a regular basis - ASAPEdited 04-Dec-24 03:54am

You should have known step kids love to play off Mama against Papa. You should have it out w/ hubby years ago. This is like locking the barn door after the horse has been stolen! 40? Forget it! Too late to expect her to change or him to say NO to her now and that goes for the rest of his spoiled brats. However, how about YOUR kids and the way they treat YOUR hubby? Turnabout is fair play, after all- ain't it? I have a half sister who is now a retired veterinarian in CT. Daddy paid for her everything and ignored HIS kids (My bros and myself) so that when I asked for a buck for a toy when I was 4 (Papa had just shelled out more tuition money for Kit's college bills) I was told to 'get a job'! I did. At the age of 4, I discovered I have hay fever and I am also allergic to almost every flower and plant in existence and that I was born blind in my left eye as well! For a month I weeded an old neighbor lady's garden for that buck. I used it to buy a stuffed tiger 'Suzie) and she still sits atop my LR sofa! If you ever do divorce or are widowed, remember these lessons well and strike while the iron is hot not already cooled and tempered like molten steel in a blacksmith's shop!

There is definitely a guilt dynamic going on in the father/ daughter relationship that needs to be addressed between them.

They need to get along with each other and see needs to spend her own money

I would stay out of it, leave it between them! Everyone is different and some people actually believe these things we call luxuries are essential now.. it depends how one was raised , and he's her father so it's partially his fault for spoiling the girl

ITD HOW HE RAISED HER SO BLAME HIM