Discussion of the Day
Putting your child in daycare
Ollll17-Feb-24
I've been planning to put my son in kindergarten at 3 years of age. He's 1 now, and it's been so hard lately with him. He's always unsettled, and I try everything to spend time with me and the cousins. Yet He's always unsettled and whiny. Does anyone have experience with day care, and can say if it's worth it or not?
Comments
  • In Sydney it was $154-$200 a day (might be more now), so with my job I was never going to be able to afford it. We weren't eligible for any gov support or discounts either so just didn't do it. I tried applying and went to a few open days to see the prices but nothing was going to work, simply too expensive if you don't have any gov support.
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    • My child is 54 and refuses to go!!! He's worried about bullying.
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      • i tried to get my son in daycare but they wouldn't accept him,, i didn't think being 50 years old was a problem,,, sounds like senior abuse to me,,,,,😁
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        • TRY GOING FOR A WALK IN THE PRAM TO THE PARK MAYBE MY CHILDREN LOVED BEEN OUTSIDE AND A LITTLE PADDLING POOL WOULDN'T HURT OR EVEN THE BATH
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          • Best job I ever had was running my own Family Day Care in my own home, of course you have to be licensed, but all it use to cost the parents was $ 12 a day, but these days Child care is the most expensive for parents, My Grand Daughter is paying so much that they can hardly afford to have the little one in care, and sadly I live too far to look after him,and allow both parents and grand parents to keep working, its so unfair, however these days private carers are just as expensive and sometimes they don't have the skills to deal with an unsettled child, make sure you vet the person before you hire someone ask for their license and DCP paperwork, good luck Fox
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            • I would tend to get a medical checkup. There may be an issue you haven't noticed. e.g. eyesight, hearing, digestion /stomach problem and other things can cause behavioural problems. At 3 y.o. he probably doesn't know how to explain things to you. Does he tell you when something hurts. I know a school age girl who was having inner ear infections - can only be diagnosed via a scan and still vows her ears never hurt. (she always has told them if anything hurt at all) Only reason they found it was because she started having seizures. Another thing they noticed was that sometimes her legs went a bluish colour. Being with other children may help once he settles in childcare. It is a huge change of environment, different children and adults. I've been told that a lot of children talk a lot better after a few weeks at Childcare. Maybe there is a clash of personalities with his cousins etc. or does he have to be the centre of attention.
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              • It's important to bond with your child in early stage of life.Your child could be teething for the whiny part and also ,wanting his mother attention.I say five would be good for kindergarten.It will help them for when they start school.Another thing is I smile and laugh when I am around children .It seem to put them in a good mood .I have also noticed when they are not feeling well they are whiny.It is a tough job being a mother trying to do what is best for your child.
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                • I did not put my kids in day care .I was happy teaching & showing them the way myself
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                  • IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY
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                    • I stayed at home with all 3 of my children but I did send them to kindy as it was known back in the old days. They do need to learn to mix and share with other children and to be away from mum. I started with one day a week then went from 2 to 3 which I felt was quite enough. All 3 stayed the full day and I thought they were socialized and ready for school. The eldest 2 were fine but the last one had a hissy fit the first day of school. Stamped his feet and cried and the teacher rang to say he was upset and angry. Oh dear, how about that, and he was all of 5.
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                      • I did not use day care because I was home with my daughter, who was quite a handful herself. Don't know if you work or not but, if you can stay home with your baby, it's worth it. Kindergarten is good for learning how to share and socialize, but you can teach so much at home before then! ;-D
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                        • One year old is such a nice age! There must be a reason if you say he is always unsettled. Find it out. Ask for help. Enjoy your son, Fox, love him even more if it is hard with him - it’s not easy but very soon he will be 3, than suddenly 30 and you will miss the little boy...
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                          • Children are programmed for connection, not separation. The first 1000 days is essential for a child to learn how to form relationship trust. This immediately becomes more difficult when the child has a succession of carers in daycare. That's not to say it can't be done well, but generally it isn't. We have had more than 20 years of children going through the daycare system and mental health and learning and behaviour issues have never been more pronounced.
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                            • If you only have 1 child it is beneficial. They usually pick up lots of childhood illnesses, though.
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                              • Never used it as it was so expensive. There were playgroups sometimes mother groups when mine were young. With my youngest it might had helped as we were isolated when he was young and his siblings were at school. He may had been better at Pre-school as he had been a separation being in hospital when was about 18 months.
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                                • Only that it is extremely expensive and most women work all week and still do not make enough to pay for the child care so they are worse off. But that all depends on the individual situation and the child in question as well as your expectorations of what children actually are not the ideal that so many make out that they are not.
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                                  • Daycare is designed for a few purposes. 1) Socialization - learning to get along with others, 2) Skill development, 3) Trust - other adults are in control without question, 4) Babysit, and 5) Other. If you put your child in daycare too early then the lessons that they are supposed to receive will be lost. If you wait too long, the lessons may just be ignored. Watch out for costs. They can be a real drain on your income. There is no reason you can't try out some of these lessons at home. They will reduce boredom and quite possibly reduce his 'unsettlement.' Good luck.
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                                    • I'm sorry I can't be of much help. I've never had kids, but perhaps some time with other kids might be beneficial for your son. It's worth a try, and if it doesn't work out, then no harm has been done. At least then you won't be wondering about it and if it might have been a good idea. As for his being unsettled and whiny, maybe you should investigate as to what might be going on with him if this is something that hasn't been a problem before.
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                                      • We never used it and still wouldn't.
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                                        • There used to be the Mother's & Babies Groups, Playgroups sometimes we used to have these at each others homes, then Kinder Garden followed by Pre-School then Grade 1. Avoided day care and just couldn't understand whey stay at home or even single mum's who didn't go to work used those facilities becaucese is for free (for some).
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                                          • When you only have one child then I believe day care and kindergarten is a very necessary thing. If you have 3 or more, then they compete at home and are quite social due to all the kids hanging out your place.
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                                            • All children should be socialised before they go to Prep. Play groups should be utilised as soon as possible and then Kindy becomes easier for the child. At Prep, they should be able to mix freely with the other children. They should be able to go to the toilet without assistance from the staff. All this will come easy to the child who has mixed with both children in the family and children outside of the family. Clingy children don't have the best life at school, unfortunately.
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                                              • When the going gets tough, they say the tough get going. Maybe your chikld is just going to be one of those who will spend his entire life unsettled and whiny. Maybe you and your partner should start getting tough with him? I do not mean in a cruel way but by laying down the rules and being prepared to say NO when NO is the word which should be used. Or are you both the sort of people who think they have to explain in the finest details as to why you have made the decision you have. Is he allowed too much say in how things are done? Make the Rules and stick to them. Yes, you will get a tantrum or two but if you stick to the Rules he will soon learn that Mummy and Daddy, or the other half of the parenting unit, mean what they say and he just has to go along with it. Endlessly whining? Tough Love will fix that when he realises all his whining gets him nowhere.
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                                                • Awesome. Totally diplomatic and concise.
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                                              • hi Angie....
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                                                • Why have children and have someone else raised them when things get tough.
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                                                  • I would just keep to your plan of kindergarten at 3. I would not suggest Day Care. Perhaps try and find a playgroup in your area. Have you had him checked by a nurse for possible reasons for unsettled or whiny? Is he eating something he is intolerant to?? Just a suggestion. Best luck to you.
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                                                    • I agree. Allergies can be a huge problem. It could be anything like food,( could be a slight allergy to several foods or drinks) something in clothing material (he could be itchy), plants, grass etc in your garden or anywhere else he goes (could be pollen from plants nearby)- touching them or pollens,
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                                                  • I think children belong at home in a safe environment away from outside influences until they are at least 3 years old.
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                                                    • Kindergarten and daycare are not the same thing where I live
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                                                      • View all 3 replies
                                                      • No daycare it from birth and Kindy is from 3 up wards.
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                                                      • Amy B 1078427Jules 544763
                                                        Not where I’m from. Kindergarten is when you are five and at a public school.
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                                                      • Here kindergarten is from 4 years old or close to depending on their birthday.
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                                                    • My great grandson has been going to kindy for about six months now and he is 2 and looks forward to meeting and playing with his new friends. He goes twice a week and has learned to play and share toys and things with others. A little sister is due in June and I feel he will welcome her as he has learned to play with other children at kindy.
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                                                      • I don't think putting him in day care is the answer, but if you can afford it and you need some peace then maybe that's for you? We couldn't afford it and our children went to Kindy when they were 3 and loved it once there, but never wanted to go, but it's good to mix them socially with other children before they go off to school. I loved having my 3 babies at home with me as I didn't miss out on seeing them walk, talk etc. and smiles were fantastic, we had other kids and parents over once a week like day care at home or went to someone's house for a couple of hours, took some morning tea to share and had a catch up and a laugh it was great. Don't be up tight as your child will pick up on that, make things you do fun, talk to them all the time, have a routine, when they eat, go to sleep, have a bath, etc. they learn what you teach them, be firm but have fun, it's only for a short time they are babies, then they grow up , that's another story, good luck. Find a play group in your area or do it yourself ask people with little ones to come to your house for a play date, make some scones or whatever.
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                                                        • I haven't had anything to do with child care centers, I didn't start work until our two children were school age. I have heard from friends that they have been very good for their children. It would be good for him to interact with other children and also learn new things. If it helps him to settle down and not be so dependent on you it probably would be good for him.
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                                                          • no kids for me. Sorry
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                                                            • Anything must be better than having a whining child . Give yourself a break
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                                                              • Most people have no choice about day care the have to work
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                                                                • Day care was fun for me when I was young that's about all I can say. Playing with even more toys.
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                                                                  • I would he needs to be with other children. He will learn to share and play. Both girls went as I was working 2 days a week. Had a few minor problems with the younger one being bitten once and one time I picked her up she had a very wet nappy. The woman was sacked as it was not good enough. The staff were super friendly and they tried very hard to make sure every one was happy and the little ones enjoyed their days in care. I in my opinion would say it is worth it but remember no one knows your child better than you and if he shows signs of being unhappy or not wanting to go step in and maybe delay it for a bit longer. The games they get to play and then have lunch and in the afternoons have nap time it very constructed and at that age they are like little sponges soaking it all up. I also believe it helps them for when they go to school as they know their ABC's and counting to 10. Lots of fun things to help them grow and learn. Start off slow and see how he goes. Good luck and another thing make sure you check out the day care first and get them to show you around and see if the other children are happy being there that is a good indication of wether the place is acceptable for your child. It should be clean, tidy and homely.
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                                                                    • I had an unsettled toddler that I put in daycare for half a day a week just after I had the next baby. I felt so bad, but I needed time away from the whinging! It was good for both him, me and the new baby And I did have him checked out for what was causing the whinging, they couldn’t find anything medical at the time, but I noticed and adressed some sensory issues and he was diagnosed with ASD level 1 when he was older. He is now a young adult, a fully functioning member of society, just with a few quirks! He still whinges, but it’s mostly about politics now! Just make sure you’re comfortable where you’re leaving him. We had a lovely lady at the daycare centre who I trusted.
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                                                                      • SORRY, Day care is an excuse, If you child is whiny is it not becaue he is NOT in child care. The child care companies dont care about your children they care about profit. I have watched children in and not in Child care for 20 years and the difference if astonishing. Child care is not always the answer, Finding out what is cause your child to be unsettled, It is still going to be in the home when he gets back.
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                                                                        • Oh the joys of parenthood. No different to when I had young kids. The biggest problem is the type of lifestyle you want to live and how you will achieve it. Living beyond ones means these days seems to be quite prevalent.
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                                                                          • Daycare centers are often seen as a necessary evil for working parents, with the assumption that they offer little more than a safe environment for children to spend their days. But spending time in daycares can actually be a very positive experience, offering children the opportunity to make friends, learn social skills, and develop independence. They are a necessary part of modern parenting, and while it can be hard to let go, it’s often the best option for both parents and children. It’s also a great opportunity for kids to socialize, learn, and make new friends. Yes, its worth it Fox. But you need to find a good one.
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                                                                            • I never had to put my ids in care, but my grandkids have been in daycare since young. I think it can be a good thing if the child is extrovert and is keen to learn. My granddaughter was very advanced, but my grandson missed his mummy terribly. He would be getting overtired but the moment he was cuddled he fell asleep. I don't like these places, whilst some staff are excellent others are not. You need that bond with your child when they are very young, one on one. The cost is enormous and that will give you more stress. You need to observe your little one closely when you are with him and find out what is making him whiney. He might be needing a really good nap. Is he cold? Is he hungry? Is he wet or poopy? Is he ill (ear infection? etc) At a year old he is still a baby. When he is 3 he will be a totally different child! Do you have any older female freinds or relatives? There is no instruction booklet with your children, and once you have mastered one stage, here comes another one. The best person to care for your child is YOU.
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                                                                              • Maybe you are doing too much with him. Is he still having a good nap during the day?? Young children need simple things and routine. 3yo kinder is good if you have very good and compassionate people involved, but it shouldn’t be for more than 5 hours, and twice a week is more than sufficient. As for daycare/childcare, I personally would never leave a child in that environment. Not enough staff, biters, hitters, bullies, insufficient staff to child ratio etc. Young children don’t have the verbal skills to tell you that something is wrong. Nah don’t like those places, nor the people who are drawn to working in them. Recent case of pedo in QLD a good example.
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                                                                                • Sorry we haven’t had kids do can’t help you on that one
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                                                                                  • they are very sad places be careful Fox
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                                                                                    • I don't understand how people can afford childcare
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                                                                                      • I have 8 months old baby, and I’m planning to put her in day care one day after she turns 2, maybe 1 or 2 days a week. I think it’s good for the kids to learn a social skills slowly.
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                                                                                        • Expensive but we found it was worth it.
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                                                                                          • my children enjoyed their time there
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                                                                                            • my X has a daycare and she potty trains toddlers etc. a lot of her clients say there is large improvemant in their children social skills etc.afther she looks afther their kids probably due to her patience
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                                                                                              • It is a hit-and-miss thing, there are good and bad do some research spend some time there, it is generally sunshine and apples but it doesn't take long for the lemons to appear
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                                                                                                • Sorry never had kids do couldn't possibly help
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                                                                                                  • Try one day each week. These are important years for you to spend with your little man, but he will develop socialisation skills particularly in an environment with other kids. This will help his outlook, whilst also developing immunities at the same time. He might enjoy the change in scenery, but very important for you to enjoy these years with him as well
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                                                                                                    • hi ty George
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                                                                                                      • I wouldn't put my child in day care I never went so I would prefer not to, but that's my opinion
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                                                                                                        • i do not have any kids
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                                                                                                          • I never put my child into daycare is because my mom told it is not safe to put my child in daycare based on daycare provider abusing children for no good reason.
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                                                                                                            • The immunity that he will pickup is extremely important. If you could put him in day care for 2 days a week would expand his world wonderful.
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                                                                                                              • they say the most important bonding time.is from birth to 5 years
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                                                                                                                • Exactly and having a child who did kindergarten and not a day of day care I can say it was the best thing. They learn so much being at home and getting the 1 on 1 attention. I'd advise not to put them in day care. Plus think of all the money you'll save.
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                                                                                                              • My daughter put her kids in at 3years because she was working and they did really well and I have a friend who puts her boy in when her mother cant look after him and he is just over one
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                                                                                                                • Not to solve this problem. Investigate further. I think more likely something wrong
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                                                                                                                  • My experience’s of daycare are positive, having been a preschool teacher for 15 years, working while studying for a Diploma in ECE. Developmentally a boy is best forming a healthy bond with Mum before introducing daycare. I would recommend a play group run by other mother’s initially, beginning the social interaction journey. I have 2 sons who needed my attention and stimulating experience’s for the first few years of their lives. In New Zealand the government offers 20 hours free daycare at 3 years old, an excellent idea…
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                                                                                                                    • I say at least from my experience try to hang in there, I think it is great that this child has family and love. Do what is good for you and your family. Good luck.
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                                                                                                                      • Preschool after 3 is great for social development
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                                                                                                                        • In Canada and the US he'd be too young to start kindergarten. But at the age of 3, he could attend "preschool", which is something I would recommend.
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                                                                                                                          • I say no to daycare if you don’t have to. I watch my grandsons while mommy goes to work. I definitely did not want anyone else raising my grand babies.
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                                                                                                                            • I don't have children and I never wanted to have children (the monetary cost of raising a child has been steadily rising for decades which factor into my decision not too impregnated a female or adopt a child)! Anyway, 'WHY GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD - THEN STICK YOUR CHILD INTO DAYCARE' (which is going to be expensive)? FYI: I love the way you described your child - UNSETTLED and WHINY (your words in the scenario you described) - LOL!
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                                                                                                                              • never put son in a day care,only private school when 6 year's old
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                                                                                                                                • I think kindergarten is something some people either want to do or have to do...my sons did one year...seemed to be OK...start him at 4 if you have to...I personally would not trust it all to go well at 3....too young...and I was in there and making sure it was something that worked and was positive.....kept an eye on them...asked lots of questions....and they knew it........ they were probably happy when we left!
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                                                                                                                                  • I lucked out I stayed at home with my children till they were both in school it was right for my family - everyone had to determine what's right for them
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                                                                                                                                    • I was a day care kid and it was ok for me, but was also an only child so I didn't have great social skills .. I stayed home with both my kids and they turned out better I think, but I sacrificed a lot of my own life to do it
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                                                                                                                                      • View all 4 replies
                                                                                                                                      • REALLY U SACRIFIED YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR KIDS WHY IN THE HELL DID U HAVE THEM IF U DID NOT WANT TO RAISE THEM UNBELIEVABLE
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                                                                                                                                      • Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe the child needs special therapy but hasn't been diagnosed. Sometimes pshycologists actually suggest childcare if a good one is available. I know little ones who have had some a good time interacting with other children that they have wanted to stay there and keep playing rather than go home. The carers have phrases they use for different things every time of needed. e.g. if a child indicating in some way that he / she wants something the carer will say "use your words" They are told "stop" if they are going to go where they can't see around a corner or run ahead. Some have "dummy" roads and they teach them to "stop" and not walk or run across a road or carpark. :Parents can ask what phrases the staff use and use the same if they want to. Consistency is important. Most of them give fruit for morning and afternoon snacks. A very good lunch. Some if you take your child in at the right time you can smell it cooking. Some children don't want much evening meal.
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                                                                                                                                      • lin rRosemary E 383382
                                                                                                                                        GOOD GOD U DO RAMBLE ON ABOUT A CHILD U KNOW NOTHING ABOUT DAY CARE IS FOR WHEN A MOM AND DAD OR ONE OF THEM WORK DUH.IT IS NOT TGHERAPY.....
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                                                                                                                                      • I just said I raised them from birth to 18! How is that not wanting to raise them ha! My parents both worked had me in day care, I did the opposite.. thus is life .. when I say sacrificed I mean now I'm 40 and am just starting to build up in life.. some have kids young and some wait till they're older and more settled, either way you'll sacrifice something.. totally worth it not a big deal
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                                                                                                                                    • Daycare can be a good educator and time out if you need a break but obviously weigh up the costs ! I sent mine 1 day per week to start then they suggested 2 days as they settle better ,a week is too long between visits .Even if it's just half days see how he goes. Firstly I would check with a paediatrician maybe as to any other reason he's so whiny . Does he have sleep or allergy problems ? And go with your mum's gut instincts when you walk in the door and envisage handing him over to staff and the centre you choose , Worked for me :)
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                                                                                                                                      • No such thing in my day.
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                                                                                                                                        • It can be heart wrenching to place your child in kindi but the kids seem to thrive. One has to be aware sickness can be a problem. Socialising is great for them on the other hand. Try 1 or 2 days a week to begin with. See how it goes.
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                                                                                                                                          • My grandson goes to daycare he loves the company and has lots of fun...he has also learnt a lot..too..The daycare people have been great ..wish everyone was like ours.
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                                                                                                                                            • I put my daughter in kindergarten at age 3. She did enjoy school For me it was worth it.
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